PALM BEACH, FL — Federal agents left empty-handed following a raid on Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate. Sources say Trump cleverly hid his cache of classified documents in plain sight by labeling them "Epstein's Client List."
"Hmm. Nothing to see here!" said Special Agent Cornelius Weatherdowel as he took note of the label on the suspicious-looking cache of files. "Almost thought these might be highly incriminating but I guess it's nothing!"
"In fact, I don't see anything. What files?"
Agents shouted that the room was clear and promptly evacuated the building.
"Yeah, it's a real bust," admitted FBI Director Christopher Wray. "We did confiscate some ten boxes that we believe might be an AR-15 — I don't know, we haven't opened them yet — but we couldn't find anything pertaining to the scope of our warrant."
"And what was the scope of your warrant?" asked James Jobel, a reporter for the Tampa Tribune.
"No further questions," said Director Wray. He abruptly ended the interview and flew back to his lair in Washington, D.C.
At publishing time, Trump's Mar-a-Lago home had been destroyed after catching fire. No further details were available on the unrelated incident.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
