BEVERLY HILLS, CA — A local surgeon specializing in gender reassignment has come under heavy fire recently, as his critics complain he is still stubbornly only offering "male" or "female" as options.
"This doctor is so behind the times," said Trixie Sunbreeze, an LGBTQ+ activist who has identified as 38 different genders in the last 6 weeks. "How can you present yourself as a friend to the trans community when you hatefully only allow people to become males or females? As if those are the only two genders! BIGOT!"
Dr. Rick Barnhouse, who has practiced medicine for 30 years, doesn't understand the criticism. "I'd like any of these people criticizing me to explain to me how to actually apply any of these other supposed ‘genders' to an actual human being's body," he said. "I mean, what are these other genders supposed to be, anyway? ‘Demiflux?' How is that even a word, let alone a gender?"
Despite Dr. Barnhouse's extensive experience and the respect he has garnered by mutilating the bodies of children and removing their genitalia, activists continue to decry his "narrowminded" work. "You can't tell me he doesn't know how to perform surgery to make someone ‘gender-fluid,'" Sunbreeze continued. "It's basic science these days. Someone who is ‘gender-fluid' deserves the opportunity to have interchangeable parts. Like Mr. Potato Head, but with genitalia. It's simple!"
Dr. Barnhouse stated he is still unsure how to perform gender surgeries to approximate something other than male or female. "I remember when performing sex-change operations was controversial in and of itself," he said. "Now I'm a closed-minded hater for not turning people into fantasies. Go figure. I'm beginning to think this entire gender theory stuff is really bad for people. Please don't tell anyone I said that."
At publishing time, the protesting group of activists was demanding Dr. Barnhouse perform surgery to turn a human being into a furry.
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