REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — Sources close to President Joe Biden report that he had recently decided to "take a break" from the pressures and demands of life on the beach by taking a brief vacation to the White House.
According to an anonymous staffer, the constant strain of lying on the beach had forced Biden to plan a quick weekend getaway in D.C., if only for the sake of his health.
"That's right, Jack! I'm gonna take a vacruiblethahthe in the… you know, the place!" Biden reportedly shouted at a coatrack on his way out of the beach house. "We've got to beat Medicare! I mean, Obama… er, well… anyway. It's too stressful out here — I'm always tired as he…heu…habsburigishtueisthe."
Several members of Biden's staff were said to be less than enthused to leave, however.
"I was kinda getting used to it out here, at least after the first four months," said one Biden aide who asked to remain anonymous. "Are we going to have to use the leash now? It was so nice when he could just wander around aimlessly on the beach yelling at seagulls and knocking over our sandcastles. Do we have to go back to Washington?"
Biden did confirm that he would be going right back to the important work of lazing around the beach as soon as possible, right after a brief pit-stop in the Oval Office.
At publishing time, Biden had asked the Secret Service if the presidential motorcade could stop for ice cream on the way to the White House.
BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW: