BERLIN — The war having turned against him, Biden has reportedly taken a cyanide capsule in an underground bunker. Biden holed up here in hopes of living out his final days as it became increasingly clear that his Reich was crumbling under the pressure of the Allied forces. Biden's forces were annihilated at the Battle of Stalingrad after the enemy surrounded them and used the wrong pronouns to address them. After all of Biden's top trans admirals admitted their imminent defeat, Biden realized the walls were closing in and retreated to his private basement quarters where he and his mistress poisoned themselves with cyanide, before Biden also shot himself in the head.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
