WASHINGTON, D.C. - There have been rumors that, due to Biden's advanced age, he wears an earpiece where staff can constantly feed him instructions for his daily activities and for what to say. While there has been no firm evidence of this, speculation about it has only increased -- especially with a recent incident in which Biden started clutching his ear and screaming, "THERE IS A MAN SPEAKING INSIDE MY HEAD!!!"

This happened when Biden briefly went out of the White House to talk to the press and supporters. Biden also started yelling things like "The voices are now telling me to calm down!" and "The voices are saying they're just my staff!" and "They're telling me to stop repeating everything they say!"

Biden was so enraged by the voices, he tried to go on a rampage, knocking over anything nearby, but luckily he was unable to do much damage with his feeble old-person arms.

White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki was later asked whether Biden wears an earpiece, but she just answered that Biden is a "devout Catholic," whatever that means.