WASHINGTON, D.C. — During a prestigious ceremony held at the White House, President Biden bestowed the "Black American of Courage" award to actor Robert Downey Jr. for his pivotal role as a black man in the 2008 movie Tropic Thunder.

Awarding the white actor a black award equitably follows in the footsteps of First Lady Jill Biden, who recently gave the International Woman of Courage Award to a fat guy from Argentina squashed into a dress and caked with makeup to show young women around the world to never give up on their dreams of being crushed into oblivion and wiped from the history books.

"If you're not as black as Robert Downey, Jr., then you ain't black," said the President while standing next to Mr. Jr. who had insisted the award go to someone else while glancing nervously at all of the black people in the room.

Biden added that choosing a recipient had been difficult, as contenders for the prestigious award included Jimmy Kimmel, Justin Trudeau, Corn Pop, and Dr. Rachel Levine who had qualified by getting a spray tan that one time.

At publishing time, President Biden had replaced Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin with Robert Downey Jr. on the grounds that Austin was just not black enough for his diverse cabinet.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.