SPRINGFIELD, IL — A local teacher has devised an innovative way to immediately be granted extended time off from work — telling her class that there are only two genders in the world. The teacher hopes that this method will provide her with a much-needed vacation.

Katie Anderson, a 2nd-grade teacher at Barack Obama MLK Rosa Parks Cesar Chavez Elementary School, has been desperate for time off. "I just really didn't think I could make it until summer," Anderson said. "It's just been a really long school year. They're usually really reluctant to grant any vacation time at this point in the year, but I've got a foolproof plan!"

"Hey, kids! Guess how many genders there are!"

The leadership at the school has taken great pride in its progressive stance on gender issues, pledging to teach students of all ages about all 1,387,590,634 currently recognized genders. They have made it clear to all faculty members that any deviation from this pledge will be met with swift disciplinary action.

"Adhering to basic biology, thousands of years of accumulated knowledge, and common sense itself will not be tolerated," said the school's principal, Tanya Hughes. "We're focused on the inclusion of all ideas and acceptance of all viewpoints, so expressing opinions other than the approved one is completely unacceptable."

At publishing time, Anderson had been pulled from the classroom and given 9 days of paid leave pending an investigation.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.