BERLIN — Biden announced today the establishment of a secret police force known as the Geheime Staatspolizei, or Gestapo for short. The police force will be controlled directly by Biden and used to investigate extremists, domestic terrorists, and any others suspected of not fully supporting the Biden administration. "This is a new dawn for our nation," said Biden during a speech last night announcing the new police force. "We will be able to use this force to identify those deplorable people with backward views that are a threat to democracy and isolate, or concentrate, them in reformation camps to help them learn to love our policies." The secret police will be easily identifiable by their crisp dark uniforms and attractive red armbands.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
