WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden wore a ceremonial feathered headdress today as he welcomed Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi for an official state visit.

"Are we ready to pass around the peace pipe?" asked President Biden. "I'm just kidding — I can't smoke peyote before lunch! It gives me the tummy rumbles! Not a joke!"

In preparation for Mr. Modi's visit, President Biden reportedly spent several hours mastering a traditional rain dance. "Are you ready to make it rain, chief?" Biden asked Mr. Modi as he began the dance. "Took me two weeks to get all these tomahawk chop moves right, but I wanted you to feel right at home. Speaking of, I had the staff set up a teepee in your bedroom if you're more comfortable sleeping in there."

According to White House staff, the two leaders are scheduled to discuss several important matters ranging from casino taxes to the dwindling number of buffalo. "President Biden is deeply committed to preserving the High Plains buffalo herds for Mr. Modi and his people," said Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "I can also report that as part of the visit, President Biden has requested Mr. Modi to grant him an Indian chief name -- he is hoping for something along the lines of 'Crazy Moose'."

At publishing time, President Biden had offered to end Mr. Modi's visit with a special trip to Atlanta to take in a Braves game.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.