WILMINGTON, DE—Amid the coronavirus pandemic, the Biden campaign has canceled the presidential candidate's much-anticipated trip upstairs due to health concerns.
Biden had planned to go upstairs, get a bite to eat from the refrigerator, and return to the basement, but due to coronavirus fears, will be remaining down there indefinitely.
"Sorry, Joe -- that trip upstairs is getting postponed," an aide told a crestfallen Biden after he had gotten all dressed up for the first time in weeks, excited to see the sunshine and get some fresh air. "Maybe sometime in the fall we can go. I know we promised you. Now, Joe, don't give me that look. You know that won't help."
"This is malarkey, that's what it is," Biden grumbled as the aide locked the basement door behind him. "What kind of country is this where you can't go grab some snacks from the fridge whenever you want? This whole hugger-mugger pandemic is just a real big brouhaha, that's what I think, anyway."
Biden was placated somewhat when someone found a stack of old Columbo DVDs to help him whittle away the hours.