CHULA VISTA, CA - President Biden has been looking for a general contractor to head up the completion of the border wall as the immigration crisis spins out of control. He went through a stack of applications on his desk, and one of them stood out to him: one Donaldio Trumptinez, a construction foreman with years of wall-building experience.

Trumptinez will oversee finishing the border wall left uncompleted when Trump left office.

"I am very happy to work with Mr. Biden," Trumptinez said in broken English. "Sorry, I no speak very good English. Wall will be very big. Very good. Big wall, very big. Best wall in earth, mucho tall and muy strong for Mr. Biden."

"I do good job for America!" he said. "We make America grande again!"

Suspicions about the contractor were raised when he announced plans for a towering hotel and casino along the border wall, but when Biden realized he could keep more migrant children in there, he knew this guy really was "the best contractor money can buy."