The $2 trillion infrastructure proposal is a big one. It will probably be in the top ten most expensive spending bills to go through this year. So, we did our due diligence and read through all 17,000 pages of the proposal so we can inform you of what your government is spending your grandchildren's hard-earned money on.
Here's everything in the proposal:
- $500 million for guillotines for Trump supporters
- $50 million to build a computer that can run Crysis
- $800 billion to develop a new gender
- $70 billion to build an ice wall to the north to protect us from Canada
- $15 million for the development of a pause button for online games
- $12 million to fight odor at Comic-Con
- $80 billion to dig a ditch in space and another 80 to fill it in
- $27 for snap bracelets for congresspeople
- $10 million for every American to receive a copy of Antiracist Baby
- $140 million for those cool plastic army men with parachutes you get at Chuck E. Cheese
- $79 million to ensure that Doritos are a human right.
- $20 million for PSA ads reminding women they can just put on a sweater instead of touching the thermostat
- $70 million to make the McRib permanent
- $32 million to bring back Crystal Pepsi
- $123 trillion to build a new Middle East on the moon so we can bomb it
Does that add up exactly to $1.9 trillion? We're not sure and we're not really good at math. If it's off by a few hundred trillion, eh, who cares? Money has no meaning anymore anyway.