Brought to you by
BELLEFONTAINE, OH - According to reports from Redeemer Church, teacher Lance Trenton was clearly "just taking a wild stab" at the meaning of every symbol he attempted to explain during the church's Tuesday night Bible study on the book of Revelation.
"Yeah, so here in chapter 9 we've got these freaky locust guys, and I'm just gonna go ahead and say they're helicopters. Sure, helicopters - Apaches, most likely," Trenton said, an apparent note of uncertainty in his voice. "Then there's this woman and dragon, some kind of serpent, and a little kid comes in the picture somewhere - uh, let's just go ahead and go with 'this is a spiritual metaphor for the Papacy.' Yeah, that's it."
During the study, witnesses confirmed that an attendee raised her hand and asked what the great whore of Babylon represented, at which point Trenton responded by shaking his head, furrowing his brow, and throwing his hands up in the air. "Honestly? I have absolutely no clue. But if I had to take a stab at it, I'd go with Obama. Or maybe the UN? Who knows."
"Oh, I guess she could also represent Dungeons & Dragons, now that I think about it," he added, a puzzled expression on his face.
At publishing time, Trenton had announced the beginning of a new Bible study on the major prophets, wherein he'd just take wild guesses at the correct interpretation of the various prophecies.
Understanding Bible prophecy isn't always easy. But in The Non-Prophet's Guide to the End Times, author and illustrator Todd Hampson uses helpful visual aids and clear explanations to help seasoned Bible pros and newcomers alike understand what the Bible says about what's coming next.