WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House announced that job creation in December blew past expectations, with over one million new jobs being created in just one month. However, the unemployment rate remained unchanged, as every single one of the jobs was filled by Marco Rubio.
Rubio has reportedly taken over running the interim government of Venezuela, managing an auto plant in Louisiana, as well as becoming a shift manager for a Long John Silver's in Tampa Bay.
"The job market simply cannot keep pace with Mr. Rubio," stated economist Dr. Hans Bartholomew. "There are literally zero jobs currently available in the U.S., despite December producing an avalanche of new jobs across multiple industries. The man can do anything. It makes absolutely no sense."
Economists fear that at the current trajectory, the majority of jobs in America will be performed by Marco Rubio by 2028. "We're talking over 50% unemployment," said Bartholomew. "My State Farm agent just retired, and was replaced by Marco Rubio. I walked into Walmart yesterday and was greeted by none other than Marco Rubio. He's now my dentist, too. Where does it end?"
At publishing time, Dr. Bartholomew had been informed that he had reached mandatory retirement age at his university, and would be replaced next month by Marco Rubio.
AI won't take these jobs!
