MINNEAPOLIS, MN — For the second time in American history, Democrats are threatening civil war if Republicans do not stop taking away their slave laborers.
Democratic Governor and former Vice Presidential nominee Tim Walz has warned that he is prepared to call up soldiers to fight the Republican administration if it does not stop removing his state's slaves.
"We're prepared to fight," announced Walz in a press conference. "We demand the immediate withdrawal of the Union, excuse me, federal troops who are taking away the slaves. If the government will not recognize our state's right to slave ownership, we will have no choice but secession and war."
Several other Democratic states have threatened to join Minnesota, in what the states are tentatively calling a "Confederacy". Plans are already in the works for a battle flag, featuring an "X" pattern with a star for each seceding state. Troops from multiple Democratic states are reportedly being massed near the Bull Run River in Virginia for training.
At publishing time, Walz had announced a new national song for the seceding states, "I Wish I Was In Dixie."
AI won't take these jobs!
