RIVERSIDE, CA—Firestarter Church recently came up with a great idea to make sure that church members who display the congregation's bumper sticker are representing Christ well: church deacons now administer a comprehensive driver's exam before allowing anyone to slap their sticker on their car.
"We make sure church members know how to use their blinkers, merge with plenty of room, and drive the appropriate speed in the left lane," said Pastor Jake. "Churches that just hand out bumper stickers willy-nilly aren't doing their due diligence to ensure that their church's name isn't dragged through the mud by horrible drivers."
The church says their pass rate is fairly low. "Only about 10% of church members make the cut. So we have lots of regular attendees that we're happy to preach to and love on, but who just haven't gotten to bumper sticker level yet."
"One day, through the work of the Holy Spirit in progressive sanctification, they'll get there," he added.
At publishing time, the church had instituted a behavioral test before allowing church members to take a free Firestarter Church T-shirt, making sure people don't go through the express checkout lane with more than 15 items, tip poorly, or complain to their Starbucks barista when their drink isn't made exactly the way they want it while wearing the church's official shirt.