WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a campaign rally designed to drum up enthusiasm among Democratic voters, failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton took the stage in an ominous black cloak and began encouraging her audience to let their anger control them.
"Yes, good, good," she said, nodding at the crowd's visible angst as an evil smile crept across her face. "The hate is swelling in you now. Take up weapons against Republicans— use them. Strike me down if you have to. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment, you make yourselves more my servants!"
She then threw back her cloak and cackled at the sky, hands blasting powerful electric charges at several of her aides, who were fried to a crisp. "Use your aggressive feelings, Democrats. Let the hate flow through you!"
Several assistants rushed the stage, pleading with her to find "the light" within her: "Your overconfidence is your weakness, Hillary!"
But she laughed off this assault, electrocuting those who would have tried to turn her in a split second. "And your faith in the outdated notion of civility is yours!"
Clinton then unveiled to the frightened crowd her next weapon in the war against Republicans: a giant superweapon capable of wiping out civil discussion across the land in a single powerful blast. She assured the crowd that it was "quite operational."
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.