Scripture
Bible Scholars Now Believe Adam And Eve Were Actually Asked To Leave Garden Because They Weren't Wearing Masks

U.S.—Bible scholars now believe Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden because they refused to wear a mask, or really, any clothes at all.

"It's pretty clear that the original sin was actually not putting a mask on in a public place like the Garden of Eden," said Dr. Charles Manning of Yale Divinity School. "We originally thought the fruit was a literal fruit, but we now believe it to be symbolic language representing the wearing of a mask."

"We repeatedly asked them to put a mask on, and they were just totally unashamed," said Karen, an angel on duty at the time. "They didn't even seem to be aware that their mouths were uncovered, or their more... private bits."

The angel tasked with shooing them away got out his trusty, 6-foot-long sword of fire and carefully prodded them out of the garden, keeping his distance the whole time. Adam and Eve were then cursed to work hard their whole lives and DoorDash stuff, never again being able to eat out at a restaurant.

Adam took no responsibility for the incident, claiming that the whole thing was his wife's idea.

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