NASHVILLE, TN — Following the passing of Pastor John MacArthur, Baptists announced that they would be holding a conclave to select the next John MacArthur.
According to sources within the denomination, the Baptist conclave was being held at an undisclosed member's house, where members would partake in a sacred potluck until a new John MacArthur is chosen.
Similar to a Catholic conclave, Baptists go through rounds of voting until a new John MacArthur is unanimously chosen, or until they run out of peach cobbler.
"John MacArthur has never died before, so this is all new to us," said Baptist Pastor Arthur Frinley as he explained the process. "But we basically eat a lot of casseroles until we get tired of it and are forced to choose a new John MacArthur."
"It should be a good time," he added.
Differing from its Catholic counterpart, black smoke rising from the chimney does not indicate that a new John MacArthur has been chosen. It instead signifies that a casserole has been burned.
At publishing time, Pastor Jack Cascott was reportedly the leading candidate to be chosen as the next John MacArthur in the upcoming fifth round of voting, at which point he would reportedly take on the name Pastor John MacArthur II.
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