All churches that truly love Jesus serve coffee, but did you know that you can actually tell what denomination a church is by what coffee it serves?
Here are 17 different forms of caffeinated goodness and what church you'll find them in:
Dunkin' — Southern Baptist: Obviously.
Medium roast — Non-denominational: Smooth and palatable.
Grande Caramel Macchiato in a venti cup, upside down, with split milks, extra shots, and no top drizzle — some friggin' Acts 29 church: You know who they are.
Boba tea — the Korean church that meets after your church: So many Hondas in the parking lot.
Yuban, brewed last week — Catholic: Your penance begins now.
Same, but really watered down — Anglican: Mmm, delicious.
Tim Hortons — Oh no, you're not at a Church... you're in Canada!: Abort, abort!
Decaf — Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church: HERESY ALERT.
Black coffee with no stirring sticks — Church of Christ: No sticks, no temptation to start drumming.
Frozen coffee, extra ice — Presbyterian: They will not move and neither shall the coffee.
Craft IPA — Reformed: With an alcohol content of 9%, you know it's Reformed.
Whatever coffee was already in the pot — Calvinist: It's not up to you, bub.
Quintuple espresso — Assemblies of God: The shakes are about to start.
Anything with oat milk — Gay Church: Could be Methodist, Lutheran, Episcopalian. You never know these days.
The leftover dregs of coffee from five years ago — Lutheran: It's what you deserve, you depraved wretch!
Still waiting on a decision from the Coffee Committee — Methodist: They're just running it by a couple more committees.
Starbucks — You are in Hell: Not good.
How did we do? Let us know any coffee choices of the denominations we missed.
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