DETROIT, MI — Following the Senate primary victory won last night by Abdul El-Sayed, an official announcement was issued that the Middle East had expanded to include the state of Michigan.
El-Sayed's win further solidified what geopolitical experts were calling the "New Middle East," as the state of Michigan was now firmly in the grasp of Arab rule, making it more of a natural fit among other Islamic nations rather than being counted as part of the American Midwest.
"When you walk around, you can tell you're in the Middle East," said sociologist Harold Morgan. "While in generations past Michigan was very much identifiable as part of the Upper Midwest, just a cursory glance at your surroundings and the demographics make it clear that it is part of the Middle East now."
Longtime Michigan residents offered mixed reactions. "Part of me always wanted to live somewhere totally foreign," said Dearborn resident Fred Kline. "Now, without even having to sell the house I've lived in for 30 years, I now feel like I'm living in the heart of Beirut. It's amazing." Others were not as excited. "Do I need to convert to Islam now?" asked Shirley Becker, who has lived in Grand Rapids her whole life. "I guess I probably should, if for no other reason than to avoid being publicly executed for being an infidel."
At publishing time, the state of Michigan had officially applied to join OPEC.
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