NEW YORK, NY — With tension building in anticipation of former President Donald Trump arriving in New York to face arraignment on criminal charges, a grizzled FBI agent eagerly dusted off his old red MAGA baseball cap, ready to put it on for one last assignment.
"This baby has been with me for some great times," said Special Agent David Megli. "There was that surveillance op leading up to the 2016 election when we were gathering intel for Hillary. Then, we hit up a bunch of Proud Boys rallies during Trump's presidency. Then, there was January 6th. Oh boy…what a day that was!"
Agent Megli was being called out of retirement for one last job as reports were filtering in about crowds of Trump's supporters flocking to the Big Apple to show solidarity with their leader as he faces charges they believe to be a part of a conspiracy to eliminate him from the 2024 race. "Whenever you hear about Trump's followers gathering somewhere, you know there's going to be trouble!" Megli said as he taped the wire for his concealed recording device to his chest. "They wave American flags, they walk around unarmed, and sometimes they even sing the Star Spangled Banner. All of the textbook activities of terrorists!"
At publishing time, the FBI was rumored to be organizing a large team of undercover agents to infiltrate any gathering of Trump supporters, with all agents being trained to introduce themselves by saying, "Hello there, fellow patriots! It's a great day for insurrection! Which government building are we going to illegally enter?"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
