EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - Fans were shocked at last weekend's Army-Navy game when during the 4th quarter, both teams mutually forfeited the game and left billions worth of equipment on the field.
"Wow, I've never seen anything like this before. And I didn't realize these teams even had billions of dollars worth of equipment," said sportscaster Gibbers McChumbley as he watched both teams walk off the field.
In the stands, Biden could be seen clapping and cheering for the forfeiting teams, although sources say he was only clapping and cheering because Jill Biden told him it was pudding time.
"It would seem that since these teams are funded by Pentagon defense contracts, they pay hundreds of millions per player for their pads and helmets, adding up to billions," said McChumbley. "Wow. Congress should do something about that!"
In a press conference later that day, Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin proudly announced that it was "the greatest football game ever played in history."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
