Oh no! Everyone's calling everyone else "groomer" and now we're all confused! Are you a groomer? Is your neighbor a groomer? Let the experts at The Babylon Bee help you sort it out. Here are all the warning signs you may be a groomer:
1. Do you talk about sex with 5-year-olds behind their parents' back?
2. Do you begin sentences with, "Don't tell your parents, but..."
3. Do you encourage kids to cut off their sex organs?
4. Are you a Disney Executive?
5. Did you quit your teaching job after they passed the Parental Rights Act in Florida?
6. Does taking other people's kids to a drag show and calling it a "field trip" seem ok to you?
7. Do you drive around in a windowless van with "FREE GENDER-AFFIRMING CARE" scrawled on the side?
8. Have you ever helped a child acquire sex hormones without their parent's knowledge?
9. Does David French think you're a "blessing of liberty?"
Tally up your number of "Yes" answers and consult this chart:
1-2: Oh no! You're a groomer!
3-4: Wow. Definitely a groomer.
5-6: Yep, still groomer.
7-8: There's a Law & Order SVU episode with your name on it.
9: Ok, we're calling the police.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
