OTTAWA, Canada - A swarm of protesters descended on Parliament Hill today to protest the recently proposed and controversial "Don't Say 'Eh'" bill.
"Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh!" chanted Zamboni mechanic and protest organizer Bob Bergeron, adding, "I've said it all my life and I'm going to keep saying it! None of these oppressive anti-Eh hosers can tell me otherwise!"
Member of Parliament Luc Liepert, who originally authored the bill, was bewildered by the opposition. "I don't know what they're talking about. This bill is about tariffs on industrial adhesives, but somebody declared it the 'Don't Say "Eh"' bill and everybody flew off the handle. It doesn't say "Eh" anywhere in the bill, eh?"
Protesters wouldn't be swayed by the lawmaker's explanations, however, and they vowed to continue their protests all over the country, including at hockey games and the Canadian Academy Awards, which is apparently a thing.
"We won't allow anti-Eh bigots to deny our identity," said Bergeron. "We're going to say it, and we're going to teach our children to say it. Preferably starting as young as possible, like say between kindergarten and third grade. Also, it wouldn't hurt to sneak it into a bunch of cartoons and stuff, eh? Eh! Eh! Eh!"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
