CUPERTINO, CA — Sources within Apple's Software Engineering Division confirmed that their team was working around the clock to make the next iOS update even worse than the current one.
"Yes, we know we set a pretty high bar in terms of atrocious design and abysmal performance in the previous update, but we believe that we can top that," said Senior Vice President Craig Federighi. "Apple innovators are on the job. You haven't seen anything yet, folks."
Anonymous sources claimed that the next iOS update would be a high watermark for terrible operating system design that would make Apple users want to get rid of their iPhones while simultaneously trapping them in Apple's ecosystem.
"The cool thing about this new update is that it will work like crap unless you have the new iPhone 18," said one engineer. "Oh, and it will have invisible buttons that move randomly around the screen and only sometimes register your touch. A fun game!"
Apple fans celebrated the news, insisting that it was good somehow and that Apple is awesome. "Yeah! Apple rocks!" said one user on an Apple forum.
At publishing time, Android had announced plans to somehow make its operating system even worse than Apple's.
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