DES MOINES, IA — In a startling discovery that sheds new light on a long-revered literary work, scholars now believe that a new reading of Dante's Inferno has confirmed that the first circle of Hell is actually Iowa.
Long believed to have been classified as "Limbo," the first circle of Hell has now convincingly been identified as Iowa by a consensus of literary scholars and historians. It is now surmised that Dante either traveled to the land that would later be known as Iowa or was taken there in spirit during a vision, showing him what he later described as a horrifying, hellish landscape.
"The description is a clear match," said Dr. Clayton Rooktool, Professor of Literature and leader of the team os scholars. "He described the first circle of Hell as containing ‘virtuous pagans' and ‘the unbaptized,' who don't live in active torment but wander aimlessly without any hope for salvation. There's no mistaking it — that is Iowa in a nutshell."
Residents of Iowa admitted that they had always suspected that something seemed "off" about the place. "Now that you mention it, yeah, I can definitely see this being the lowest level of Hell," said Iowa native Tim Lucht. "I mean, to me, it's always just been home, and I've always loved it, but I can't really argue with the way Dante described it. It's dead-on."
At publishing time, scholars said the new understanding would help professionals better diagnose and treat individuals who have spent their entire lives in Iowa — or, as Dante identified it — Hell. "It explains a lot," Rookstool said. "Anyone who has ever been there knows exactly what he means."
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