U.S. — In the wake of Italy electing Giorgia Meloni as Prime Minister, millions of Americans have gotten their hopes up that she might also become the President of the United States. Unfortunately, according to a small, little-known technicality, the Prime Minister of Italy is not eligible for President as she was not born in the U.S.
"I saw Giorgia Meloni's speech defending family, religion, medical freedom, and life, and got my hopes up thinking she might somehow become our President. But alas, some bizarre old rule says you have to be born in America AND win a U.S election," said local man Doug Chambers. "I should've known it was too good to be true to have a President that understands our fight on a cosmic level."
Many other Americans expressed similar sentiments stating that after learning that Meloni is a die-hard Tolkien fan who considers the Lord of the Rings to be a "sacred text", they went out immediately to see if they could vote for her to replace Biden.
"Here I thought for a brief moment that we might actually get a President that promotes and defends the family, and Christian values, while simultaneously banning Amazon from streaming Rings of Power," said Pete Wilkerson another Meloni fan. "Oh well, better just accept that our President will always be corrupt, and incompetent."
At publishing time, the Biden Administration announced that anyone who continues to voice their support for the fascist Giorgia Meloni as U.S. President will be raided and jailed by the FBI.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
