American Women Once Again Make Their Yearly Pilgrimage To The Magnolia Silos
U.S. · Jun 9, 2022 ·

WACO, TX - Thousands of American women have embarked on an annual summer pilgrimage to Magnolia Market at the Silos to hunt for what they say are divinely inspired decor and bath products across the site's retail shops.

Women are reportedly dragging their entire families out to the small Texas town even though there's nothing else worth seeing for miles.

"I can't believe I took a week off work for this," muttered Benny Chamberpill as he spent another day staring at home decor he couldn't afford. "I only get two weeks of vacation a year!"

Chamberpill had brought his wife and four daughters to the famed Magnolia Silos for the first time three years ago and he's been caught in an unending cycle ever since.

"I wanted to see the Alamo so I could remember it!" he said.

Every year women are seemingly drawn to the Magnolia Silos by a mysterious unseen force that binds all women together. Like birds migrating south for the winter, the women descend upon the rustic shops for a taste of the class and elegance they say Chip and Joanna Gaines exude. And, if they're fortunate enough, they may be able to catch a glimpse of the pair working on their latest fixer-upper.

"If I could but touch the hem of Joanna's dress I might be blessed with a vision for farmhouse decor in my own life!" said Susan Vail, who guilted her husband into taking her to Waco, Tx.

At publishing time, Chip and Joanna have approved the construction of a rustic farmhouse tavern for all the bored husbands to congregate in while their wives gather at the holy site.

Babylon Bee subscriber Ben Mereness contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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