The world has been trying to rip off Christianity for thousands of years with wacky false idols and soap opera quality Greek mythology. Frankly, it's embarrassing.
Check out these embarrassingly lame secular things that are just knockoffs of their superior Christian versions:
1) Baal: Cheap imitation of God. Can't even send down fire from the heavens. Constantly taking bathroom breaks. What a loser!
2) Jurassic Park: Clearly inspired by Ken Ham's Creation Museum.
3) MAGA: A mere shadow of Christ's beatitudes.
4) Super Mario Bros: Bible Adventures did it better.
5) An Inconvenient Truth: A soulless copy of Left Behind, but no one survives. What's the point?
6) Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit": Obvious ripoff of the beloved hymn "Jesus Freak."
7) Superman: A shoddy combination of Moses, Jesus, and angels.
8) Batman: They're clearly aping Bibleman here. And the Joker is nothing but a budget version of Joel Osteen.
9) Tom Cruise: Shorter Kirk Cameron.
10) Wine: Welch's Grape juice imposter.
11) Metallica: Inferior version of Stryper.
12) Tom Hanks: Poor man's Kevin Sorbo.
13) TED Talks: A John MacArthur sermon with no meaning or purpose.
14) Jen Hatmaker: Jen Hatmaker from 20 years ago.
Remember, kids. If you want to be cool like a Christian just be a Christian. Don't be a total secular poser, brah.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
