U.S. — After a lengthy survey of the political landscape, the United States has decided to cancel the 2024 Presidential election and simply draft that Argentinian guy to be America's President.

"It's really a no-brainer," said Pennsylvania native Matthew Stanton. "That Argentinian guy is young, has amazing hair, and eliminated a dozen government agencies on his first day of office. He's the complete package."

The Argentinian man in question is currently serving as the President of Argentina, having been elected to a four-year term. However, that has not dissuaded Americans from deciding to forcibly draft him to become the American President. "There's not much I want from my leaders," said Texas man Bryan Dean. "All I'm looking for is a guy that will ruthlessly shrink the government's power, then travel across the world just to make fun of the weirdos at the World Economic Forum. That's all I need, and that Argentinian guy has it."

Americans decided on the drastic course of action after spending the past year fastidiously observing the smoldering ruins of both the Republican and Democratic Parties. "It's time to move on," said Georgia woman Denise Hoffman. "Half of South America has already come here anyway. We might as well draft the Argentinian guy and get something out of it."

At publishing time, legal experts had argued that the Argentinian guy couldn't be President because he hadn't been born in America, but Barack Obama gave his assurance that it wouldn't be an issue.

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