MEMPHIS, TN - Local man Hudson Tregnog is attracting worldwide attention for a truly miraculous ability. According to sources, he can prophetically guess what will happen next in whatever Hallmark movie he's watching with his wife.
"I am Tregnog, Oracle of Christmas romance and revealer of small-town mysteries," said Tregnog. "I know all and see all. Cower, mortal, before the awesome might of my Hallmark foresight!"
Pilgrims have traveled from near and far to witness Tregnog's uncanny ability to guess the very next plot point of whatever Hallmark Christmas romance he happens to be watching.
"Watching Hallmark movies with him isn't fun anymore," said Hudson's wife, Kara Tregnog. "Will the hardworking female executive find love in her hometown during Christmas? Will she fall in love with the wealthy millionaire carpenter who has loved her since high school? Will her lame, uptight big-city boyfriend make a surprise visit to Christmasville to propose just as she's falling in love with another man? Will she secure that loan for her small town coffee shop that she's always dreamed of starting? He spoils it every time!"
In spite of his newfound fame, Tregnog remains humble. "I didn't ask for this power," he said, "but I hope I can somehow use it to make the world a better place."
Sources say there's growing evidence Mrs. Tregnog has similar abilities, as she's able to guess the ending of the Lord of the Rings trilogy her husband makes her watch with him at least once per year.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
