U.S. - In a heated exchange on Twitter, a powerful white man viciously attacked Elizabeth Warren - a noble Cherokee squaw and Senator from Massachusetts.
"This violent verbal attack on me was literally a hate crime," said Warren as a single tear slowly rolled down her cheek. "The white man continues to oppress my people by resisting the government's efforts to tax them into oblivion and waste all their money on spending bills that we write to pay off our campaign donors. This basically makes him a freeloader."
The white attacker - named Elon Musk - simply responded with cruel memes showing Elizabeth Warren wearing eagle feathers and war paint to mock her proud heritage. He did, however, confirm that he will continue to pay her salary, in addition to the salaries of half of Washington D.C.
UPDATE: Certain details reported initially in this story are inaccurate, as we have confirmed Elon Musk is actually African American.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
