Aging NFL Player Torn Between Strip Club, Prosperity Church For Post-Football Business Career
Sports · Sep 16, 2016 · BabylonBee.com

ATLANTA, GA - Veteran Atlanta Falcons linebacker Tim Millikan has lived the dream of having a full, prosperous NFL career, and is now looking toward what's next as he approaches his retirement at the end of this season. Sitting down with various local news outlets Thursday, the big man revealed that he - like many pro athletes do - plans to enter the world of business after his football days are behind him, and has narrowed his options down to opening and operating either an upscale strip club or a large prosperity church in the Atlanta area.

"After so long in the league, of course I've grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle, and just because I stop playing football doesn't mean I want to stop earning millions of dollars every year," Millikan told reporters. "After a lot of research and talking to several mentors of mine who used to play [football in the NFL], I've narrowed it down to opening either a top-of-the-line gentleman's club or one of those big health-and-wealth churches. It's going to be one of those two - but between them, I'm torn."

Explaining that each business has its advantages, Millikan admitted that the "tax-free part" of the prosperity church is a real draw for him.

"I have more experience in the world of strip clubs than the world of churches, honestly, but that hasn't stopped a lot of these other guys," he noted. "Retired athletes are starting these name-it-and-claim-it churches, and they're just making a killing. Sometimes more than they made on the field. And I'm told the business plan is very simple."

"I don't know, though - I really like strip clubs," he added. "I might just have to do both."

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