LOS ANGELES, CA — After years of fierce debate, theologians from all the major branches of Christianity have now come to an agreement that lying to your dentist about the frequency of flossing in your dental hygiene routine is not a sin.
The debate over lying about flossing raged for years in a series of interdenominational councils held between all Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant churches. They don't agree on much else, but one thing they are now in total unity on is that it is acceptable to tell your dentist you "floss all the time, once a day at least." After some initial concerns about one of the Ten Commandments seeming to prohibit bearing false witness, theologians from all denominations have come to an agreement that lying about flossing is an acceptable exception to the rule.
"Bearing false witness against your neighbor is certainly bad," said Father Brown, representing the Catholics. "But if you read the commandment carefully, it doesn't say anything about bearing false witness about your own teeth."
"Yes, the Orthodox agree," bellowed Father Ioannis on behalf of the Greek Orthodox believers. "We don't agree on much with all these other heretics here, but your dentist has no right to pry into your flossing regimen."
"And the guilt trips they lay on you while you're sitting in that chair," lamented the Catholic wing of the council. "Don't get us wrong, we like a good guilt trip as much as the next Christian, but no one is going to floss their teeth. Why keep up this horrible charade?"
At publishing time, the interdenominational council was back to arguing about papal authority and the Filioque controversy.
The Founding Fathers didn't always agree behind closed doors.
