WASHINGTON, D.C. — Elon Musk was quick to apologize Monday for DOGE mistakenly laying off the one government employee whose job it was to prevent journalist Jeffrey Goldberg from being in war strategy group chats.
"Well, look, we move fast and break things and see what works and what doesn't," Musk said. "And one of the things that worked was having someone around to make sure Jeffrey Goldberg didn't accidentally get invited into a group chat where we discuss bombing Yemen."
The employee responsible for that important job was White House Communications Intern Ellie Stromberg, a young employee who understands how group chats work. She was let go after it came to light that she only had one job duty, but that job duty ended up being very important.
"Jeffrey Goldberg is always trying to worm his way into group chats. We should've been better prepared," Vice President JD Vance said of the debacle. "Now he knows we're going to bomb — wait, haha. You almost got me!"
Stromberg has reportedly been reinstated with full back pay. She's also been given a government car and full secret service protection given that keeping Goldberg out of group chats is a 24/7 job.
She said of her prestigious position, "I'm grateful to have my job back. No one else at the White House understands text messages like I do. I'm the only human that can do it."
The Founding Fathers didn't always agree behind closed doors.
