WASHINGTON, D.C. — After another horrendously embarrassing day of gaffes for President Biden, White House aides decided to try removing his brain, blowing on it, then sticking it back in.
"Worth a shot," said aide Omar Gonzales. "It works on other ancient technology."
The White House decided to pursue the drastic course of action after Biden thanked the Black Congressional Caucus for hosting him, when in fact he was speaking to the Hispanic Congressional Caucus. That gaffe came shortly on the heels of Mr. Biden repeating the same exact story within minutes while speaking to a bush in the Rose Garden.
Having tried smacking Biden's head to see if that would get his brain working, the aides decided to resort to the old Nintendo trick by opening his skull, blowing on it to remove the dust interfering with his synapses, and inserting it back in with a few solid smacks on top to dislodge any further dirt and grime.
Unfortunately, the move only resulted in Biden repeatedly humming the theme from Battletoads.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
