MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA — After two days of dealing with the insufferable busybodies at the Martha's Vinyard Home Owners Association, illegal immigrants have decided to go back home and take their chances with the cartels.
"Man, the cartels are bad where I come from, but this is a whole other level," said immigrant Juan Ramirez as he climbed back on the unmarked charter bus. "How do you people live like this? You have to pay $1000 per month for a team of white ladies named 'Karen' to come to inspect your hedges and whine when you don't do them right? This is hell on earth!"
The rest of the group reportedly agreed, and immediately boarded a taxpayer-funded charter bus for Guadalajara.
"I feel betrayed by Governor Ron DeSantis," said another unfortunate migrant, speaking through a translator. "He told me there would be jobs and housing up here, but instead I found a den swarming with uppity white liberals and wealthy career criminals. This is so inhumane."
At publishing time, the migrant retreat was stopped as Michelle Obama had flagged down the buses and escorted them to the newly built cages on her property.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
