AUSTIN, TX - With a Texas law preventing the killing of baby human beings with heartbeats, many are concerned that essential women's healthcare clinics will be forced to shut down.

"Not to worry," said local Planned Parenthood executive Karen Linda. "Abortion is only 3% of what Planned Parenthood does, so I'm sure we will be able to stay open and serve the women with all the other healthcare services we provide!" 

As she was speaking, an HR manager walked up and handed her a pink slip, as well as the contents of her desk, as she had been laid off. 

"I don't understand? Why can't Planned Parenthood stay open without abortions? Where are women going to get their essential health services?" said Linda.

The HR manager then explained that Planned Parenthood makes all its money on abortions, and that all its services can easily be found at any of the dozens of women's health clinics in the area, and that Planned Parenthood isn't so much an actual health clinic as a fake health clinic designed to just perform abortions and not much else.

Fortunately, Linda is landing on her feet with a brand new job working for a real women's health clinic that provides for the health of all women and their children.