Chances are, if you're reading The Babylon Bee, you're already on a watch list of some type. But now that the FBI listens in on all of your phone calls, you can at least come up with some creative ways to mess with them.
Try a few of these classic pranks the next time you're on the phone:
- Say the school board protest has been moved somewhere else: When the FBI sends a whole SWAT team to the wrong location, they'll look SO STUPID! HA!
- Mess with their heads by saying "Trump is an insurrectionist dictator" alongside "Trump is our savior": They won't know whose side you're on.
- Say "Hey, FBI agent, is your refrigerator running?": When they answer "Yes," then say "Well, you better go catch it!" then hang up and laugh. GOT 'EM!
- Identify yourself as Hunter Biden and pretend you're ordering a Ukrainian hooker: They'll hang up faster than you can say "bribery scam."
- Sing a few bars of a Beatles song every few minutes so they can't play the recording in court: Licensing fees cost a fortune.
- Create a fake accomplice named "Mike Rotch": They'll have to officially enter it into court records and it'll be read out loud. It'll be hilarious.
- Say "Hey, are those some catholic nuns over there across the street praying at the abortion clinic? Why, I do believe they are!": Then sit back and watch those guys go crazy falling over themselves to go tackle some old ladies.
- Call anyone on January 6th and say "The plan is a go. Execute Operation MAGA.": This one is a lot of fun, but you may end up in solitary for a few decades.
- Say "asphinchtersayswhat": What?
If you're going to be under federal surveillance, you might as well get a few laughs out of it along the way. Have fun!
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Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.