Brought to you by: Preserve Gold
You read the Journal. You follow the stonks. And now you're wondering how you'll possibly manage to get through four years of a Kamala Harris administration without going bankrupt.
Well, never fear, for the Bee is here. Forget whatever you read in The White Coat Investor and Millionaire Next Door — we've spent literal minutes of our time to thoroughly investigate the markets nowadays and here are our top picks. You're welcome.
Meme futures: Don't let anyone know you heard this from us, but they're going to the moon. SKIBIDI TOILET BUY BUY BUY!!!
Red hot pokers for your eyes: So that you can avoid all of the gay stuff to come.
Cats: They're already smoking hot right now — people are just eating them up!
Duolingo Chinese: Russian is a close second, but just trust us on this one.
A Premium subscription to the Babylon Bee: You want to keep your sanity, don't you? Go on — get a subscription.
Working in McDonald's: You'll be an essential worker and Tim Walz will let you still work during a pandemic.
Jewish beeper company: Business is booming for these guys.
Cricket farms: You'll be brilliantly positioned to become a major cricket flour supplier when meat gets outlawed.
Tampons: Hot tip from the White House says Tim Walz goes through these like a squirrel fired out of a potato cannon goes through butter.
Aren't you glad you've got financial experts like the Bee on your side? That's right...now go on and get that premium subscription — you know you want it!
NOT SATIRE: We live in uncertain times, in the United States, we are already experiencing record-high inflation, and not to mention the national debt has now surpassed $35 TRILLION. While paper dollars are suffering, one must also beware of the emergence of new digital currency, market warnings, and de-dollarization. The ability to protect our savings and hold onto wealth we can pass down gets harder every day. ONLY ONE ASSET has stood the test of time, Gold.
That's why Preserve Gold is sharing its free Precious Metals Guide. With 25-plus pages of detailed information, you can learn how Americans are using this little-known secret as a strategy to help hedge and diversify their retirement accounts. See how Preserve Gold can help protect your savings and retirement.
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Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.