LONDON — Eighty years after Hitler's failure, the Nazis have at last seized London.
"Hitler's dream has finally come true," said John MacDonald, watching as Picadilly was overrun with Nazis. "You just know that somewhere, Hitler is looking on today and smiling."
As chants of "Death To Jews" and "Final Solution" rang through the London air, longtime Nazi leader Josef Schmidt was overwhelmed with joy. "After so many decades of being an outcast here in Britain, to now watch Nazis march through the heart of London yelling 'Gas the Jews' - well, it brings a tear to your eye," said Mr. Schmidt. "I've had to hide my swastika flag for years, but no more! We're going out for a triumphant walk right by Buckingham Palace."
Though resistant to Hitler's "Blitz", London ultimately fell without a single shot being fired. "It's a Nazi miracle," said march organizer Duncan Richards. "Well, technically shots were fired, but they were at some elementary schools in Israel, a thousand miles from here. Seeing those Jewish people murdered, children set on fire, knowing hundreds of women and children are still hostages - well, that helped us see that the real Nazi was inside us all along. It just needed a little Jew murder to bring it out."
At publishing time, the London mayor was warning the Jewish community to refrain from engaging in hateful Naziphobia.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
