SACRAMENTO, CA — Customers have already begun camping out by the thousands after a local grocery store announced on Black Friday they would sell food for the price it was back when Trump was President.
"Forget the big screen TV, we're talking a gallon of milk for two bucks!" said local man Donald DiMarco as he rolled out a sleeping bag. "I get a few gallons, I could quit one of my three jobs!"
The shocking deals will reportedly extend to everything in the store, with several grocery items to be discounted upwards of eighty percent. The grocery store known as "Fresh Market" has been blown away by the response, with the parking lot turning into a campground overnight. "All we did was look back at the sticker price from Trump's last day as President, and put that in the ad," said manager Gill Mackey. "Now we have five thousand people camping out for two weeks on pavement. It's amazing what a woman will do for cheap eggs."
A nearby Best Buy has already announced they will have to shut down on Black Friday as all of their employees have planned to camp out in hopes of nabbing affordable groceries. "To be able to walk into a grocery store, and just -- buy food? It's like winning the lottery," said Best Buy employee Lisa Sampson. "A few of my friends and I have already agreed to split a chicken breast if one of us can get a hold of one. There will be some brawls, trust me."
At publishing time, another crowd had gathered to camp near a gas station after it advertised Black Friday gas prices from when Trump was President.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
