It's Father's Day, and it's time to celebrate. But how can you celebrate your father while still continuing the important work of dismantling the patriarchy?
We've got some ideas:
1. Make Dad his favorite breakfast and then kick him in the groin. -- The best of both worlds: celebrating dad and also smashing the patriarchy.
2. Give him kale instead of environmentally harmful steaks. -- Your dad will love it when you take him out to dinner tonight for a nice, juicy kale salad.
3. Instead of thanking fathers today, thank single moms, pet owners, and people who are like a parent to their large collection of anime body pillows. -- Make sure dads don't feel special today. Thank literally everybody.
4. Take Dad fishing and then kick him in the groin. -- He'll never see it coming as he's distracted trying to get his hook off a log.
5. Make your dad turn off the sports and tune in to a moving lecture on intersectional feminism. -- Although the NFL is basically the same thing at this point.
6. Refuse to laugh at your dad's jokes. -- Laughing at dad jokes just encourages the patriarchy and perpetuates oppression. Don't give in.
7. Give your dad an expensive set of tools but make sure the tools are all pink. -- A pink toolset says, "Dad, I love and respect you, but also, gender is a social construct."
8. Kick your dad in the groin and then when he's doubled over in pain, kick him in the groin. -- DOUBLE patriarchy smashing.
Now go forth and smash the patriarchy! And also say Happy Father's Day to your dad. But mostly, smash the patriarchy.