There's a lot of talk about ending racism, and no one really agrees on how to go about doing it. But we're experts, and experts always know what they're talking about.
We sat and meditated in our expert brains and came up with the definitive methods for stopping racism in its tracks. Here they are -- 10 easy ways to end racism forever:
1. Kill all white people. - An easy one. And if you're white, well, you know what to do.
2. Pluck out everyone's eyes. - Can't be racist if you can't see.
3. Bravely walk through a riot and give some police officers a cool, refreshing Pepsi. - Effective and refreshing. This tip brought to you by Pepsi. #sponsored
4. Teach everyone to always focus on race as the most important thing about a person. - The only way to end racism is to make sure you're constantly talking about race and never letting people forget what the color of their skin is for even a second.
5. Have the earth get invaded by flesh-eating aliens so we have a common enemy to unite against. - Bring on the aliens.
6. Segregate people by skin color. - We can't talk honestly about racism if we're all just mixed together like a melting pot. We need to segregate into different rooms, schools, and drinking fountains.
7. Steal some Nikes. - Racism will crumble as you bash the window of the Nike store and leave with some sweet kicks.
8. Start an organization to fight racism and use the proceeds to buy multiple mansions. - Every time you buy a big house, forty million racists drop dead.
9. Have an after-school special about how racism is bad, hosted by a cool TV star like Kirk Cameron. - You could have on trendy bands like Hanson and Kris Kross, and the kids would all give up their racist ways.
10. Whatever you do, don't believe the lie that we're all one blood and race is a social construct meant to divide us. - This is dangerous Christian brainwashing and will only lead to people treating each other the same. And we can't defeat racism that way.
Now go forth and punch racism in the face, or at least your neighbor if you suspect he's a racist!
