U.S. - A new study performed by experts has confirmed that experts always know what they're talking about and never, ever just make stuff up to sound smart, experts confirmed today.

"Experts are always to be trusted and have never been wrong before," said the experts at the recent Expert Conference, Sponsored by Experts. "Experts are so smart. And also really good-looking and not socially awkward. You should be friends with experts, 'cause, uh, experts are really neato."

"All of this is to say, you really should trust the experts. Experts are way more accurate than the non-experts." The experts then pointed to a chart that had some lines and circles on it and nodded, looking to one another for confirmation. They all concurred the graphics confirmed their findings that they are smart. They then turned to another panel of experts, who also confirmed that they were smart, in exchange for the original panel of experts saying they are smart back.

At publishing time, experts had further confirmed that you definitely shouldn't stuff them into lockers and give them wedgies, because they are actually super cool and not nerds who got picked on in high school.