WASHINGTON, D.C. - According to reports, the latest draft of President Biden's $2.3 trillion infrastructure plan includes $300 million to bail out essential looters.
'Looters who loot for social justice are a proud part of the American tradition," said Vice President Kamala Harris. "Looters are essential. Looters are valuable. Looters are infrastructure. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Sources on Capitol Hill say the bill will set the money aside to post bail for imprisoned looters who burn businesses, loot expensive liquor, and terrorize innocent civilians, as long as they are doing it for social justice, and not doing any of those things in the Capitol Building.
"Say it with me: LOOTERS. ARE. INFRASTRUCTURE," said Harris.
Those drafting the bill say that any money not used to bail out rioters will be allocated to help BLM's founder Patrisse Cullors buy another mansion.