Finding a good, Christian girl has never been harder. That's why The Babylon Bee is here to help out by offering you this tried and tested list of the absolute best places to look.
- Chick-fil-A drive-thru: A woman who values the Lord's chicken will value you.
- Church: Just make sure you go to the early service if you want an actual good, Christian girl.
- Ark Encounter: If she refers to the Ark as a ship and not a "boat," marry her on the spot.
- Yarn aisle at Hobby Lobby: This is where the real Proverbs 31 women are found.
- Gym: If she's wearing modest, baggy clothes and not recording herself, she's a keeper.
- 50 years ago: Consider being born several generations ago to find the most wonderful, modest woman of your dreams.
- Peacefully praying outside a Planned Parenthood: Hurry and get her before the DOJ arrests her!
- Buc-ees Brisket Bar: The Lord has clearly blessed this woman with the gift of wise discernment.
- The FBI Watchlist: If the FBI is worried about her, she's probably doing something right.
- The Babylon Bee comment section: click here to subscribe!
So what are you waiting for?! Get out there and find the last few good, Christian ladies before they're all gone!
YUGE NEWS! There's a new Donald Trump Version of the Bible, and we've got the exclusive clip of Trump reciting his favorite verses.