FRANCE — In a solemn and moving ceremony of remembrance on the 80th anniversary of the D-Day invasion, President Biden marked the occasion by dropping the first bomb on Normandy in 80 years.
"Help me out Jill, I'm having a bit of a D-Day of my own in my Depends here," the President was overheard saying to the first lady as he bent over slowly and deposited a massive load of fecal matter in his pants. "Oh, boy, this is a big one. Get me out of here and help me clean this up before President Macron smells it! Not a joke!"
The President was then seen shuffling off in the middle of the ceremony, led by his wife, Dr. Jill Biden, who is a real doctor.
"This was a moving and completely on-purpose gesture from the President," said White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre in a statement. "Biden loaded his drawers with dookie in solidarity with the thousands of German and Allied soldiers who also likely did the same thing on D-Day. That's how much the President cares about our veterans."
Sources say Biden was quickly cleaned up by a crew of staffers who are specially trained for the task. "We are proud of Biden and his unwavering commitment to identifying with the struggles of our nation's heroes," concluded Jean-Pierre.
At publishing time, Biden had returned to the ceremony and quickly gone to sleep in solidarity with the honored dead.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
