Everyone knows a few stereotypical things about Mormons — no caffeine, no alcohol, etc. What many people don't know about Mormons, however, is that though they may seem pretty understated, Mormons, in reality, have some of the filthiest mouths out there. But, being good Mormons, what do they say in moments of anger and pain?
The Babylon Bee scattered a bucket of Lego bricks over the floor of a Mormon family's home to find out exactly what expletives they use, only to discover that they are remarkably close to the following popular breakfast cereals:
"Crispy Critters!": Simple, but effective.
"Honey Bunches of Oats!": Every Mormon knows to only utter this type of profanity when no one else is around.
"Grape Nuts!": Be careful using this language around your grandmother.
"Meuslix!": That's just nasty speech.
"Cinnamon Toast Crunch!": You might be in pain, but there's no need for that kind of talk.
"Cracklin' Oat Bran!": Where on earth did you learn that word?
"Apple Jacks!": This would get bleeped on television, of course.
"Sprinkle Spangles!": Sounds like someone's about to get their mouth washed out with soap.
"Crunch Berries!": You should be ashamed of yourself.
"Wheaties Dunk-A-Balls!": This type of obscenity should only be reserved for stepping on the sharpest of Lego bricks...
Startling, raw expressions. The Babylon Bee apologizes for the crude nature of this article but felt it was important to prepare the populace at large for the colorful language they might hear when in the presence of angry, injured Mormons.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
